Interesting times

last month my mother and I went to the apartment of our old neighbor whom was an older man with adult children from Zimbabwe and; five month prior he lost his second wife whom I understood he was married too since 1968.

My mother and his wife use to go walking together but, the fact of the matter is this gentleman told me and my mother that he had feeling for my mother for a long time.   That brought many questions to our minds did he have feelings for me mother before his wife died or after his wife died?

I felt that five months was not a long enough time to grieve but, I felt that if he did have strong feelings for my mother for a long time it was before his wife passed away and I did not like that at all.

Now that she is free of him, I think she has more time to work on herself which is more important than bringing in a man that she does not want in her life.

I was not surprise that when he invited my mother for a drink last month he was going to tell her what he felt about her; if I had not tagged along she would not have went to his apartment.

I do know that my mom is good at keeping men at bay so, I wonder what next chap is going to have strong feelings for her.  I seeing that this one will have to look in other places.

Advertisements

Why Friendships End

Why friendships end can be a perplexing problem for many people. The only understandable reason for a friendship to end perhaps is death. But lots of us loose friends and often are unsure of how, what we thought were solid relationships, somehow dissolved almost into thin air. Considering some of the reasons why friendships end can help us to move on with less trauma and in some cases perhaps find ways to avoid the loss of a good friend through understanding.

Changes in geography can often do a number on even the most sturdy of friendships. The separation caused by living at a distance from one another makes it more difficult to stay close. Sure you can e -mail, call, write or skype but its just not the same. You can’t go shopping or to a ball game or hang out at your local hot spot when you are separated by miles. If you want to do all the recreational things you used to do, you will necessarily do them with someone else. In such situations the friendship doesn’t have to end. You can make a conscious decision to stay in touch, to visit, to be there for one another. Most of all you don’t have to endure the pain of wondering what you did wrong that ended your friendship. No one is at fault here.

Some friendships however dissolve over time when substantive issues begin to become more important than the relationship itself. Differences that meant less when you were different can suddenly take on a much more important place in your life. Religious and political issues can lead to the kinds of heated discussions that make one or both friend begin to question how long they really want the friendship to continue. When sharing time together always ends up in an emotional or sarcastic outburst your friendship may be on its way out.

Not all friends work at the same jobs. There are plenty of solid friendships between white collar and blue collar workers. Still differences in lifestyles and life goals can cause disturbances among good friends. You get excited and dejected about very different things. You find it difficult to be supportive of your friend because you disagree so vehemently with his or her life choices. Eventually one or both of you will begin to find that it is more relaxing to be in the presence of people with whom you have more in common.

Maturity plays a part in every relationship. When we are younger we can be friends with the class clown and if we happen to be that clown we may be quite willing to be buddies with the class genius. As we get older in years the level of our social maturity can play a role in the demise of some friendships. Depending on where we are the social maturity spectrum we may find our friends seem progressively more ridiculous or overly serious. We may even start to feel embarrassed when we are with them. So the occasions for being together start to decline and so does the friendship.

Most difficult of all perhaps are the times when friendships are ended because there is an unequal effort being made by both members of the relationship. One friend is continually the one who calls, who makes plans, who drives, who pays. The other seems to be along for the ride. This kind of one sided friendship may exist for as long as the giving friend puts up with it but in some instances there is eventually the fatal straw that breaks the camels back and the friendship

Examining your own relationships from time to time can help you to keep them healthy and secure especially if you are willing to work at keeping a friendship solid. The bottom line in fact is the biggest reason why friendships end is because, for whatever reason, one or both of the friends have decided to stop working at the relationship. Friendships can survive, grow, mature and endure. It’s up to the friends to make that happen.