Winning the Dating Scene (Guest Post)

Quite often as bodybuilders and fitness athletes we spend a great deal of time in the gym honing our bodies to perfection and spending a king’s ransom onsupplements to fine tune our form. If we look back to our reasons behind stepping foot into the gym for the first time, many of us have credited the desire to look great for the opposite sex as their main source of motivation.

Go on and admit it, quite a great number of us give that little bit of extra in training those “trophy” muscles that look great in your tank top or skin-fitted shirts. I would even hazard a guess that some of us casually “forget” to train legs; what’s the point when they’re always covered up by your pants? After all, if you can’t flaunt it then why bother training it?

Okay, you get the picture… We all have different motivating factors invested in the iron game; some for health, some for sports or competition and some just to look trim and perhaps turn the odd head when strolling through the mall. Whatever your desire may be, it could all end up for not if you don’t invest in the “total package.”

Meaning, looking good stretches much farther beyond your time spent in the gym and in the kitchen preparing those countless containers of food and protein shakes. It’s time to get downright honest with ourselves and train those areas of our bodies that don’t necessarily involve the weights. How often have you tuned in your favorite dating television program to see some poor guy or gal who is definitely “socially challenged” or is evidently skilled in the “what not to do on a first date” department.

This article goes beyond the skills of the gym and the actual components of making your body and your muscles stand out in a crowd. This piece is geared towards the fellas that think they have a handle on their game but could perhaps take their “B” game to an “A+” game in a few simple steps.

Read this wisely and see if you actually subscribe to some of these areas or if you need to have this article crazy glued to your bathroom mirror for review before heading out to meet that buff fitness gal for the first time. After all, how many opportunities do you think you’ll have to make a first impression? We’re going to delve into the dating scene here to turn those of us who subscribe to the “Homer Simpson School of Aesthetics” into dating Romeos.

Ever wonder why your phone isn’t ringing off the hook or you just can’t seem to get in touch with your dream date after a lovely evening of dining and dancing? Do you honestly think it’s because she’s just been “way too busy to get back to you?” Amidst these humble suggestions, you might find a clue or two on how to maximize your chances at landing the very important second date.


Fire Your Present Fashion Consultant?

Okay, let’s get honest with ourselves again and reflect on how effective you’ve been thus far with the ladies. If your little black book looks like the Yellow Pages, read no further; in fact, you should consider writing an article about Winning that Important First Date. If you’re presently wearing your jeans with your favorite running shoes to impress that gym hottie that you’ve been ogling on the treadmill for the past four years, you might want to read on.

You need not have a six figure income to afford nice clothes that reflect current styles and trends. Take note: Hush Puppies along with the feathered blow dried look may not make the grade. If you presently have the same hair style that you had in your high school year book twelve years ago, reconsider your options. Pick up your latest copy of “GQ” magazine and leaf through some of the ads to see what these guys are pulling off.

Leave the sweats and your favorite “500lb Squat Club” T-Shirt with the stained underarms for the gym (or perhaps the incinerator in this particular case). If you want to spread fashion to your workout attire, try one of my faves, Faremon Sportwear www.faremon.com. Stylish, durable and very versatile. Let’s shotgun through this section as it’s very difficult to describe “current fashion.”

Okay, wrinkles are not cool unless the clothing is meant to be wrinkled (great for you guys who don’t own an iron; yes, it’s that thing that heats up that you make grilled cheese sandwiches with). It’s time to forage through your underwear drawer and throw away the “tighty whities” and replace them with something a little more current to reflect the new you as you never know where the date might lead and always remember what your mother told you about having an “accident.”

Pants should always accompany a belt and if your “six pack” is more of a “twelve pack,” then you may want to opt for a shirt that is best left untucked. The emphasis should be on accentuating your physique with current styles. If you don’t plan on running away at the midpoint of your date then replace those running shoes and track pants with dress shoes and casual pants.


Grooming Is Not Just For Horses

Let’s straighten out a few key points on how not to destroy your winning physique with poor grooming habits. Not being a woman (at least for the moment) I would lay stock on the fact that most fitness minded women love that chiseled hard body look that they would love to lay their hands upon.

Having a strong and defined physique will put you miles ahead of most of your “competition” in the dating scene but a few little “faux pas” can quickly extinguish that dating fire. Let’s briefly touch on a few of the biggies.


 Hair:

 

Great if it’s on your head (in a stylish quaff) but not so great when it’s covering your back and neck and/or protruding from your ears and nose. Although you may think that nose hair is ornamental, most gals fail to see the sex appeal. I definitely think that the “hairy chest” look works for some but you may find that removing the hair may serve you well.

Make sure you experiment with different hair removal methods well in advance of your big day as constant itching and scratching may give the wrong impression to that special someone. By the way, if you happen to be “follicly challenged,” please remember that you’re not fooling many with the dreaded comb-over.

Unless you’re Donald Trump, consider going with the shaved head or just have a seven figure portfolio that some women may consider charming. Don’t be afraid to try something new with your hair style such as highlights or a different look altogether. The mullet just won’t score.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!
I thought a new article for those people who are really bumming that their hair is falling out, want to make sure their hair does not start falling out, or are just real paranoid about their hair falling out, was in order.
[ Click here to learn more. ]

 

      This brings us to the eyebrows. The only person that looked great with one eyebrow is Animal from the Muppets. If you have a uni-brow or eyebrows that would impress Groucho Marx, don’t be afraid to have them waxed. Yes it hurts like the last rep of your 300lb bench but the parallel benefits are equally as important in your steps to proper grooming.

 

Recommended: Hair gel, Hair removal products, Hair wax, Hair Spray, nose hair trimmer, facial hair trimmers and not relying on your mother to fashion your next hair cut.


 Skin:

Get Tan!
Find out what you need to do to get the perfect contest tan! Learn how to color yourself, what products you need and how to do it!

[ Learn More ]
      Tanned, blemish-free and moisturized. Start getting into the habit of a daily moisturizing and exfoliating ritual. It may sound a little feminine to some of you but trust me, when your gal is rubbing your muscular “guns,” it’s not too cool if she scratches her hand on your callous elbows.

 

 Check out our skin care products!

Tanned skin always looks much better than the pasty white look and it will advertise to others that you go outdoors every now and then. A lot of the tanning products that are available will assist in this area and keep your skin healthy, supple and moisturized.

If your date is of the “last minute” variety please don’t go for the $65 Caribbean Mega Tan unless your date has specified that she absolutely loves blistering red skin tones. Many commercial products available will give you a golden sunless tan without the risk of burning.

 Pro Tip:

 

        Skip the lighter shirt colors if you plan on dancing or working up a sweat of some sort as your tan should remain on your skin. If you’ve just harvested a crater-sized blemish in the center of your forehead, don’t be afraid to use a little cover-up for those trouble areas.

 Pro Tip:

 

        Try to match this to your skin tone as you don’t want to look like you’re recovering from a bout of the measles. This may mean that you have to shop in the cosmetics area but what the heck, attractive women usually shop in this area as well. It’s very important to take care of the most important organ of your body (okay…second most important organ for some of you guys…)

As a side note, you may not be able to see what’s going on inside your ears but your date certainly can. Q-Tips are not just for ladies. Ear wax – never cool, ever!


 How You Smell:

 

      Nothing wreaks havoc on the olfactory senses than an unsavory body odor. If you don’t have the luxury of owning some nice cologne, make sure you at least stop past a department store on your way to your date to splash on some of the sampler colognes. You can get quite a collection of those little tester bottles if you want to remain budget conscious and keep those dollars saved for your next bucket of

protein powder

      .

 Pro Tip:

 

        Apply the cologne to those “hot spots” of your body that produce the most heat (easy fellas) as the scent will project properly. You don’t want to smell like you’ve bathed in cologne either as making your date dizzy or nauseous with your overwhelming scent may not take things in the right direction. Having a few different scents will keep things varied as an element of unpredictability will work in your favor.

 

 Pro Tip:

 

      Apply cologne to the following areas: Wrists, neck, armpits and behind the ears (especially if you’re going to a club where it’s loud and your date needs to frequently lean in to speak in your ear…good one huh?) Avoid spraying the cologne directly on these areas and apply them by spraying them into your hand and rubbing them in these areas.


 The Pearly Whites:

 

      Teeth are quite often an overlooked part of the body that can turn around a conversation if your pearly whites are more yellow greys. You don’t need to spend thousands on expensive veneers or teeth whitening systems to maximize this area. Inexpensive teeth whitening systems are a great way to bring your smile to the forefront of the conversation and are available at most stores that carry oral care products.

The mouth, being a very intimate area, needs to project the impression of being cared for. Many women wouldn’t want to venture towards this area if it doesn’t look hygienic. If you’re one of those unlucky guys who suffer from the dreaded “camel breath” invest in some breath mints and keep them closely guarded at all times. In fact, this is always a good idea as some of us are unwilling to admit that we may have a breath disorder that requires clinical intervention.


 Mechanics & Laborers Take Note:

 

    Hands and especially fingernails are quite often an object of notice to the opposite sex. You don’t want to appear like you cleaned your barbeque with your bare hands before you head out to meet your date. Keep the claws trimmed, neat and clean. Most ladies don’t prefer to hold hands if it means that they may get grease on their clothing.


So Now What?

So far so good… You’ve cleaned and trimmed all your bits and pieces, you’ve got the new “do” going on and have replaced the loafers for some crazy dancing shoes and you’re set for the night of your life. Hold on tiger! You also need to prep your attitude before you venture on your date du jour.

If you’ve spent countless hours engaged in meaningful banter with your fitness cutie on Fit Connections.com, you don’t want to ruin the ambiance by spending the majority of your conversation focused on how great you are or how you should be idolized for your manhood and potential in the adult film business.

Find an element of conversation that your date is comfortable with and always appear interested (even though you might not always be). Even an acknowledging nod and a smile will go a long way in body semantics area as the majority of conversation is through unspoken body language (see the section on itching and scratching). This would be the time to ditch some common “man traits” that some of us have become all too comfortable with.

If you need to blow your nose, tissue is what you use and not any item of your (or even worse) her clothing. Flatulence and other gaseous displays are only funny when around the guys. Four letter words should be kept to a bare minimum. Hinting at sex every few sentences may not work well either. Adjusting your “manliest of manlihood” should be done as discreetly as possible.

Women often credit having a sense of humor as being one of the more important aspects of a relationship and you don’t necessarily need to reiterate a stand-up routine to bring an element of humor to your date. It’s okay to joke about your own short-comings (note: see the section about sex talk) and keep conversation away from potentially dangerous controversial topics.

How she’s going to vote in the next election or what her thoughts are on birth control should be pocketed for the time being; as is boasting about your Casa Nova lifestyle of leaving a trail of sexually satisfied women behind you.

Try to think of original ideas in planning your date as you can guarantee that “going out for a drink” or spending an evening dancing is something she’s likely experienced before.

Avoid the dreaded, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” banter that often ensues in some relationships. Have a game plan or consult the internet on what to do locally that may be exciting and off the beaten path of typical dating rituals.

Poverty can be a great inspiration as it forces a certain element of creativity in getting out of the “dinner and a movie” rut. Finding events that stimulate conversation are often a great idea as it helps to relieve some of those first date jitters and it builds a common ground from which to build conversation around.

If you’re not much of a conversationalist and consider yourself somewhat of a bore, you definitely want to avoid the dinner type of setting as you can only talk about how great your meal is for so long. Attempt to establish some conversation topics along the way. If you are a cunning linguist, avoid the concerts or loud dance clubs that won’t allow your gift of the gab to shine.

I Spend Way Too Much Time in the Gym to Ever Meet Anyone…

If you find that you don’t often meet women with similar interests or have lacked the social luster in getting out to meet the fitness gal of your dreams I would suggest the very popular internet dating. My strong recommendation is Fit Connections.comas you have the comfort of remaining in your cave while you chat on line with attractive and fit members of the opposite (or same) sex who share similar interests and goals.

It’s a great ice breaker in getting to know someone while at the same time gauging your common interests. It also saves you a bundle on those sometimes pricey first dates/blind dates to find out that you probably would have rather invested the money in some creatine and glutamine.

Give it a try and see for yourself. I’m very confident that you’ll be pleased with the results. Even to the point that they’re giving you the first 30 days for free! Check them out and put some of these principles to practice. Go get ’em!

About The Author

Daryl Gazey is the Director/Judging Coordinator of The World Natural Sports Organization; producers of the world renowned FAME Fitness And Model Expo. Daryl is also the booking/talent director of the FAME Agency; assisting fitness models in their efforts in the entertainment industry.

You may recognize Daryl from his myriad of appearances on television, radio and his seminar series across the United States & Canada. To book Daryl for an upcoming speaking engagement or to learn more about The FAME World Event Series, visit www.FAMEworldevents.com.

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It has been a while…

It has been a while since I have returned to my blogsite and, I does not seem much has changed on wordpress but, in the world outside has change dramatically.  There are some things that I want to get off my chest and, one of those things is people.   Let’s face it, I was bullied when I was in school and, I lost weight that no one really recognized me until I started dealing with those who were my friends in school.

People are full of crap and that is a fact jack; I find myself happier going to the gym seven days a week for three hours and then spending another 4 hours at home working out with my favorite DVD’s.    There is one thing that is common when a girl or guy loses a large amount of weight; there is negativity that follows behind them because there were people that felt pity for those that were overweight but, when they lose it, the matter turns into a problem that needs to be solved.

I noticed with men that they come up to you, all of a sudden asking you what you are doing to lose the weight.    A lot of these men are the same ones that treated me like garbage but, all of a sudden they want to flirt and possibly get to know me better.   Sorry! I rather to deal with some real and sincere people.

Now that I am almost at my goal of 122.4 pounds, I feel that there are going to be more things that needed to be said.  I am still not done with the skin part but, I will state that its going to be a process of toning my skin in order to better reveal my hidden hourglass figure.

I am sick and tired of dealing with a bunch of jerks that want to get close enough to me in order to ask workout questions and, eating tips; in order to keep telling me “you look good!”  I know it and I don’t need some (insert your choice words here) tell me that I look good.  I don’t look good, I look great.

I might for the next summer when my skin is tighten, I’ll post a picture of me in a bathing suit that I dreamed of wearing in my teenage years.

I hope to get my life back together and, live my life being a healthy fitness fanatic that I am today.

I might post a few videos and pictures of eating in order to help those going through the changes.

There are a lot of crappos out there but, punching them out to get the good ones takes a lot of training with the punching bag.

Until I leave the gym, see yeah!

The joys of being single

Everyone is so worried about being alone in the world because they want that special someone in their life but, there are plenty of things to do while you are still single but, when you finally realize it the opportunity to have it is too late because you have wasted you time trying to find that special someone in your life.   Going to school full time and working full time is already a chore for me but, to be quite honest I can always wait when it comes to finding love for, people are fake now a days so, I rather be alone and wait for the right person to come along to make a difference in my life.

Right now I am working on myself as an individual so, what can a relationship with a person do to help that out?  I am going to school in order to pursue a career that I will love not some job that I will hate and can’t wait until the 5 o’clock bell rings for it to end.   Majoring in Economics with a minor in Finance is more of a work for one person but, no I had to double major Economics with Biology with another minor in Neuroscience with a concentration in Environmental Science.  Yes, yes I am a very busy person and I don’t think there is anything else I could possibly do with my life at this moment in time other than to stay focus and keep my health up.

In addition, there are so many diseases out there that people have and they are so not honest with people so, why would I want to take that risk of getting something that I cannot get rid of?  Many people don’t stop to think about what they can do while they are single because for me, I would love to be single for a while longer so, I can state that I did things before I got married if that opportunity should ever arise because the way things are looking I do not wish to be married at this moment in time for, things are just getting crazier and crazier with people in the dating world.   Furthermore, people are making dating harder than what it really needs to be; my past dating experience is one that takes the cake because my ex-boyfriend was a hot mess of emotions that he couldn’t even be considered the man of the relationship, I had to take that role for the both of us.

Lastly, I need to focus on better things rather than worrying about starting a new relationship with somebody.   The only hits I get now are from people who I do not want to waste my time with but, not all of them are men some of them are women and for some reason I get the cute lesbians I wonder why?  I hope I do not give off the husband complex to them because that is kinda gross in my opinion but, they do give off nice comments every time they walk by so, I guess that I could smile more.  Anyway not worrying about having a relationship just now but, if the time comes then yes I can start a new one right now I am trying to work on myself and make better relationships with other people.

One of my friends that cross the rainbow bridge

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A WORLD WITHOUT YOU………..

I went outside this morning, and nothing was the same

You didn’t greet me this time when I called your name

For the first time in a long time, the paper wasn’t torn

The world is so different, all I do is mourn

I left a bowl of food for you, that I know you’ll never eat

The yard outside sits alone, and will no longer feel your feet

Your frisbee is laying on the porch, the holes you dug are still there

Your doggy brush is by the door, your toys are everywhere

Your leash is waiting by the gate for the walk we just can’t take

All the memories of you I see, as my heart begins to break

As I stood there and thought of you, a tear dropped from my eye

I never thought the day would come, the day that you would die

As the tears rolled down my face, I dropped to my knees in sorrow

I can barely face today, how will I feel tomorrow?

As I buried my face in my hands, I bawled like never before

When I was done, I took a breath, and walked back in the door

I got dressed and went to work, I dreaded coming home

Who would be there to greet me? Now I face the world alone

Now I lay here in my bed, all the world is dark

It is way too quiet outside, I long for just one more bark

Please come tackle me one more time, and track mud on the floor

Drool all over my toes again, chew up a sock once more

Come and lick my tears away, let me touch your fur

I want to see your soft brown eyes, I want things the way they were
As I cry myself to sleep, I remember as I close my lids

Tomorrow is a closer day, that we meet at the Rainbow Bridge…

Remembering an old friend, Rocky-bot was a very sweet guy once you got to know him and unfortunately like rotties do they have to cross the bridge some time but, not like the way Rocky did.  He was a sweet misunderstood guy that had some trust issues with strangers but, once he got to know you he was your best friend in the whole world.   He was put down due to neurological problems and extreme health issues that cause him in two days lose 14 lbs.   The decision was hard but, he is missed by his family and friends to the lives that he touch to those whom he met.   Rocky was a young Rottweiler with a lot of potential and his potential never bloomed to his fullest but, on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge he is showing his potential to other Rottweilers before him.

R.I.P  Rocky-bot 😥

 

Live the life you want

There is no sense in worrying about the events that goes around you in the every day life of being a human being.   The way I see it is if you worship your heavenly father Jehovah God and let your burdens on him then everything else will come in due time.   An example that I like to use is one that was given to me by a brother giving a talk to my congregation for, he stated that Jehovah God feeds the birds so, why wouldn’t find a way to feed his people who are loyal to him?   Well it took me a lot of time to think about that and I went home to discover hey that’s true if I remain in  God’s love and come to know his ways then I can have a better path set out for me.

When it came to dealing with difficult people I look at different accounts in the bibles such as when Moses cautioned people that their murmuring was not merely against him and Aaron but also against Jehovah God.

Looking in the account of Exodus 15: 22-24 –  Later Moses caused Israel to depart from the Red Sea and they went out to the wilderness of Shur and marched on for three days in the wilderness, but they did not find water.  In time they came to Ma′rah,but they were not able to drink the water from Ma′rah because it was bitter. That is why he called its name Ma′rah.   And the people began to murmur against Moses,saying: “What are we to drink?”

Another account that I read in Exodus was Exodus 16: 2-12 where it goes on to state ” And the entire assembly of the sons of Israel began to murmur against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. And the sons of Israel kept saying to them: “If only we had died by Jehovah’s hand in the land of Egypt while we were sitting by the pots of meat, while we were eating bread to satisfaction, because YOU have brought us out into this wilderness to put this whole congregation to death by famine.” Then Jehovah said to Moses: “Here I am raining down bread for YOU from the heavens; and the people must go out and pick up each his amount day for day,in order that I may put them to the test as to whether they will walk in my law or not.  And it must occur on the sixth day that they must prepare what they will bring in, and it must prove double what they keep picking up day by day.” So Moses and Aaron said to all the sons of Israel: “At evening YOU will certainly know that it is Jehovah who has brought YOU out from the land of Egypt.  And in the morning YOU will indeed see Jehovah’s glory, because he has heard YOUR murmurings against Jehovah. And what are we that YOU should murmur against us?”  And Moses continued: “It will be when Jehovah gives YOU in the evening meat to eat and in the morning bread to satisfaction, because Jehovah has heard YOUR murmurings that YOU are murmuring against him. And what are we? YOUR murmurings are not against us, but against Jehovah.” And Moses went on to say to Aaron: “Say to the entire assembly of the sons of Israel, ‘Come near before Jehovah, because he has heard YOUR murmurings.’” Then it occurred that as soon as Aaron had spoken to the entire assembly of the sons of Israel, they turned and faced toward the wilderness, and, look! Jehovah’s glory appeared in the cloud.   And Jehovah spoke further to Moses, saying: 12 “I have heard the murmurings of the sons of Israel.   Speak to them, saying, ‘Between the two evenings YOU will eat meat and in the morning YOU will be satisfied with bread; and YOU will certainly know that I am Jehovah YOUR God.’”

I can understand the dealings of what Moses had to go through for dealing with a lot of seemingly ungrateful individuals whom were delivered out of the land of Egypt to dwell in the wilderness was stressful.   Like in the day of Moses and the land of Egypt we also have a lot of difficult people that we must deal with similar to the situation placed upon Moses and Aaron.

As long as we are all living you are going to deal with all types of people with a wide range of personalities but, there are some that are going to get under your skin for who knows that reason maybe; however, there are ways of overcoming such things in our lives.   if you do not walk the same path that they follow then they will speak negatively of you, this means that you should not alter they way you are in order to please them because there are consequences of being a people pleasure.

If you try to please everyone then you don’t make you what is you.  Remember those videos that call for standing above the influence and going against peer pressures?  If not you may want to take the time to look over those videos and better access them to see how you can stand above the influence.

Staying about the influence and dealing with difficult people is the two things that causes stress in many individuals but, as long as we worship god we all can over come those challenges that we face each step of the way.

 

Show loving-Kindness that gets notice by ones that don’t deserve it.

I have been reading a few blogs on the fact that so many people were bullied such as myself and making it through the rain storm of Middle School as well as High School was a challenge.   I made it through the rain with my virginity intact and my mind still goal-oriented.

I have been reading post from other users and they have been going through the same things that I went through yet, they have made it through that stormy time or they are still going through but, are seeing the rainbow at the very end.   Its so funny that people are so full of horse pucky that they pretend nothing happens between you as well as them.

I found out through showing loving kindness for those in need it has taken notice by others some of the them worthy of it and others in their dreams.   There are pros and cons to being kind to others and giving them your time without asking anything in return but, the thing is people start to see that kindness you show to one set group of people then they are the ones that are going to want it.

Some of the things I have done are not meant to be told but, for the most part I do not understand why so, many people want the same type of love and affection when they cannot pass it on themselves.  I will continue to pass on loving kindness but, I will do it to those in need and not to those that are causing the pain as well as aggravation.

How shyness affects your life.

“The shy person misses out on friendships and opportunities” – Author unknown

What is shyness?

Shyness is the feeling of being uneasy around people-mostly strangers, those in authority, persons of the opposite sex, or even your peers.

How Shyness affects you life.

By withdrawing, not speaking up, or being so preoccupied with self that you don’t pay attention to others, you may leave the impression that you are stuck-up, unfriendly, bored, or even uncaring or ignorant.   Only do that to those that you do not like and do not want to associate yourself with.  When your thoughts are on yourself, it is hard to concentrate on the discussion at hand so, you pay less attention to the information you are receiving  then what you fear most happens-you appear foolish.

You basically locked yourself in the prison of shyness and have thrown away the key; therefore, you have let opportunities pass you by and you accept items and situations that you really do not want-all because you are afraid to speak up and express your opinion.  By doing that you lose out on the joys of meeting new people, making new friends and doing things that can enhance your life. Others lose out too so they never get to know the real you.

“The shy person imagines that others think little of him”-Author unknown

Overcoming Shyness

This takes time and effort so behavior can be changed, first of all, stop worrying about whether the other person is evaluating you.   If a person childishly poke fun at you, understand that he has the problem.   “He belittles his neighbor lacks sense.”  Those whom are worth making friends will not judge you by your outward appearance but, will judge you for the person that you are.

You can overcome shyness by

  • Wanting to change and believing that change is really possible
  • Replacing negative thoughts with positive action
  • Setting realistic and meaningful goals for yourself
  • Knowing how to relax and cope with anxiety
  • Rehearsing a situation beforehand
  • Gaining confidence by progressively successful experience
  • Remembering that differences of opinion exist and that others err too
  • Practicing to increase skills and learn new ones
  • Reaching out to show love and to help others
  • Dressing tastefully and acting with confidence
  • Relying on the help that God gives
  • Being involved with christian meetings and in sharing your faith with others

Making a start

Learn to be more social such as saying hello in shape fashion or form because there is 7,000 ways to say hello to a person (really there are 7,000 ways to say hello) and start up a conversation.  Remember when you are having a conversation you are responsible for the 50% of the communication; saying ” that didn’t come out right ” will help you to relax and continue with the conversation.

Just be you and make sure that you wear clothes that are comfortable plus clean and pressed.  Do not stress so much when trying to speak to a person, just speak to them as you known them for years.  The more you practice and the more you do it the more sociable you will become.

 

 

Why Friendships End

Why friendships end can be a perplexing problem for many people. The only understandable reason for a friendship to end perhaps is death. But lots of us loose friends and often are unsure of how, what we thought were solid relationships, somehow dissolved almost into thin air. Considering some of the reasons why friendships end can help us to move on with less trauma and in some cases perhaps find ways to avoid the loss of a good friend through understanding.

Changes in geography can often do a number on even the most sturdy of friendships. The separation caused by living at a distance from one another makes it more difficult to stay close. Sure you can e -mail, call, write or skype but its just not the same. You can’t go shopping or to a ball game or hang out at your local hot spot when you are separated by miles. If you want to do all the recreational things you used to do, you will necessarily do them with someone else. In such situations the friendship doesn’t have to end. You can make a conscious decision to stay in touch, to visit, to be there for one another. Most of all you don’t have to endure the pain of wondering what you did wrong that ended your friendship. No one is at fault here.

Some friendships however dissolve over time when substantive issues begin to become more important than the relationship itself. Differences that meant less when you were different can suddenly take on a much more important place in your life. Religious and political issues can lead to the kinds of heated discussions that make one or both friend begin to question how long they really want the friendship to continue. When sharing time together always ends up in an emotional or sarcastic outburst your friendship may be on its way out.

Not all friends work at the same jobs. There are plenty of solid friendships between white collar and blue collar workers. Still differences in lifestyles and life goals can cause disturbances among good friends. You get excited and dejected about very different things. You find it difficult to be supportive of your friend because you disagree so vehemently with his or her life choices. Eventually one or both of you will begin to find that it is more relaxing to be in the presence of people with whom you have more in common.

Maturity plays a part in every relationship. When we are younger we can be friends with the class clown and if we happen to be that clown we may be quite willing to be buddies with the class genius. As we get older in years the level of our social maturity can play a role in the demise of some friendships. Depending on where we are the social maturity spectrum we may find our friends seem progressively more ridiculous or overly serious. We may even start to feel embarrassed when we are with them. So the occasions for being together start to decline and so does the friendship.

Most difficult of all perhaps are the times when friendships are ended because there is an unequal effort being made by both members of the relationship. One friend is continually the one who calls, who makes plans, who drives, who pays. The other seems to be along for the ride. This kind of one sided friendship may exist for as long as the giving friend puts up with it but in some instances there is eventually the fatal straw that breaks the camels back and the friendship

Examining your own relationships from time to time can help you to keep them healthy and secure especially if you are willing to work at keeping a friendship solid. The bottom line in fact is the biggest reason why friendships end is because, for whatever reason, one or both of the friends have decided to stop working at the relationship. Friendships can survive, grow, mature and endure. It’s up to the friends to make that happen.

Advice for daters in their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s

If you could travel back in time, what pearls of wisdom would you pass on to your single self during each decade of your dating history? Here, men and women from all ages weigh in with advice they wish they’d known in their twenties, thirties, forties — and beyond!

What people in their 30s wish they’d known while dating in their 20s…

1) Try being friends with someone first
“I would tell my younger self that ‘fools rush in.’ [When I was] in my twenties, I didn’t take very much time to get to know a guy. If I was physically attracted to him and that attraction was mutual, a relationship would form quickly. This did not allow me enough time to identify [potential] character flaws — or even realize if I liked him past the initial butterfly stages. Needless to say, I found myself in and out of relationships during my late twenties. In my thirties I am much more relaxed, reserved and patient. I still haven’t found The One and I’m OK with that. I realize now that friendship is the foundation for a wonderful relationship that lasts!”
– Erica Binnum, 33, Long Beach, CA

2) Push through your fear of rejection
“The advice I’d give my younger self is that you miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take. Ego is a man’s worst enemy, and it stops us from approaching the women we want — all because we’re afraid of rejection or worried we’re not good enough. Push the envelope and see what’s possible for yourself; go talk to anyone and everyone that strikes your fancy. If they’re not interested, it’s not a reflection on you, because they don’t even know you. Once you start getting some positive feedback — i.e., you get rejected less and less — then this process becomes a lot easier and actually turns into something that’s fun and enjoyable.”
– Jordan Harbinger, 32, Los Angeles, CA

3) Don’t let The One get away just because you’re young
“I am currently planning my wedding with someone I recently reconnected with after 10 years: the bartender who made me drinks on my 21st birthday. It took us both a great deal of growing up and a lot of effort to get us to where we are now, but the major piece of advice I’d give myself at that age would be to grab a good thing when you see it and don’t let go. Back then, I moved across the country and left him behind. A lot happened during that time for both of us, but we were lucky enough to get a second chance.”
– Lowrey Raines, 31, Los Angeles, CA

4) Celebrate how you feel about your mate
“One thing I’d tell the younger version of me is that there comes a time in every man’s life when you look at the woman you’re dating and realize that she is the single greatest thing that’s ever happened to you. And when you do, don’t be afraid to tell her and let others know how you feel, too. Trust me, she will appreciate it. I married the girl of my dreams, and not one day goes by without me thinking that she’s the best and most beautiful woman I ever met.”
– Richie Frieman, 32, Baltimore, MD

What people in their 40s wish they’d known while dating in their 30s…

1) That “must-have” checklist is keeping you from The One
“Here is what I wish I could have told myself 10 years ago: Get rid of your checklist of what you think you want [in a partner]. You don’t always know what you need. At the age of 38, I made a commitment to myself that I would throw away my checklist of what I thought I wanted in a man and open myself up to dating men of all types. That year, I received an email from a man on Match.com whom I’d gone on one date with three years prior; he had called me the next day to follow up, but I never called him back. He just wasn’t my type — or so I thought. Three years later, there he was, asking me out again. Because of my newfound outlook, I accepted. Nine weeks later, he proposed!”
– Lori Bizzoco, 42, Oceanside, NY

2) Realize that “boring” isn’t always bad
“I would have told myself to find someone boring! Of course, I wouldn’t have taken that advice. Unfortunately, I needed to date a psychopathic person first in order to realize the shrewdness of that suggestion. Fortunately, when I was finally given that advice by someone, I was also ready to hear it. It came from a younger friend of mine who was happily married. I listened to her, and now I’m happily married, too. And no, my husband isn’t boring — it’s just that sane people are boring by comparison.”
– Jen Hancock, 46, Tampa, FL

3) After getting your heart broken, you will meet someone else
“If I could, I would go back and talk to myself during the single darkest period of my life. Someone I loved very much decided she didn’t want me anymore. We broke up, and I entered a deep depression that lasted half a year. What I would go back and tell myself then is this: ‘This pain you feel now will end. And although you may not believe it now, you’re just six months away from feeling better, and you’re only a year away from meeting someone fantastic and you will find great happiness together. Time really does heal all wounds.”
– Scott Thompson, 44, Hatfield, PA

4) Don’t bother staying in a drama-filled relationship
“My advice to my younger self is this: If the relationship isn’t working and there’s a lot of drama after a year, then you need to let it go. I kept telling myself that relationships were work and that bumps were to be expected. I realize now that it shouldn’t have been that much work — or so bumpy. I stayed in it off and on for 12 years, and it’s one of my biggest regrets. I guess I’ve come to the conclusion that life is too short to feel so stuck, and I don’t have the patience for all that turbulence.”
– Dawn Quiett, 42, Dallas, TX

What people in their 50s wish they’d known while dating in their 40s…

1) Don’t jump from one marriage to another
“When I was 40, I re-married way too soon after getting my first divorce. I wish I could go back and tell myself that I’d grow into a much stronger woman had I not been so afraid to be alone. Having a man willing to rescue me felt so great at the time, but I wasn’t really in the best place to see him (or myself) clearly. This set me up to continue abdicating my power to a new husband. Instead, I would give myself a big hug and say, ‘Baby, wait until you’re strong enough to want a man. Never choose a man when you think you need one.’”
– Janice Christopher, 50, New Haven, CT

2) Maintain your platonic friendships
“I became a widow in my early 50s and was so glad that I had kept up with my networking skills and my list of work-based and personal contacts. When I found myself ready to date again, these people were more than happy to set me up with someone who turned out to be one gem of a guy. You know that good friends or family are not going to set you up with a jerk. Maintaining those relationships is hard work and can be a job in itself, but life happens — and it was so advantageous for dating again.”
– Luann Alemao, 55, Cedar Falls, IA

3) Use caution if you have conflicting ideas about kids
“Be cautious of single women in their 30s; they may only want an ATM and a sperm bank. Instead, consider dating women in their early 40s. In general, they’re sincerely looking to be in a relationship. Regardless of their stage in life, though, take your time, and look for something that meets both people’s needs, hopes and desires.”
– Ken Miller, 56, San Jose, CA

4) Interested men love the thrill of the chase
“I would tell my younger self quite a few things. First, don’t try to marry a man for his money — or you’ll wind up earning every penny of it! And if a guy isn’t chasing after you, forget him. Men like to be the ones who make advances and do all the chasing. Even if you are interested in him, make him think that you aren’t as available as you really are for dates. The old-fashioned advice about playing ‘hard to get’ actually has some truth to it.”
– Stella Vance, 56, San Diego, CA

5) Always trust your gut
“I would advise my forty-something self to jump in and fearlessly follow her heart. And I did, in spite of some details that could have easily been early deal-breakers (he was basically homeless and jobless at the time) for any relationship. After 2.5 years, my partner died suddenly — literally ‘dropped his body’ while dancing to a song called ‘Love and Happiness’ by Al Green. But the time we had together was one of the most profoundly meaningful relationships of my life.”
– Ishwari Sollohub, 56, Santa Fe, NM

What people in their 60s wish they’d known while dating in their 50s…

1) Date someone your own age
“In my 50s, I learned that dating women close to my own age worked best. Not having to explain the world I grew up in made connecting with them easier and more meaningful. I didn’t need a young woman to make me feel good about aging. Women who were youthful in spirit made it easy to overlook wrinkles. (I had them, too.) I worked hard to stay in shape, so I focused on finding a woman who shared that passion — and soon met my wife, who’s just a year younger.”
– Ken Solin, 62, Mill Valley, CA

2) Date around to figure out exactly what you want
“The best piece of advice I would offer up is this: Date far and wide, and do not stop 
dating too quickly! I should have dated more, but had a high school boyfriend and got married after graduation. I didn’t know myself and my desires and goals very clearly at that point, and knew I had to divorce him after five years. Get to know yourself and your goals very well before you commit to one person for the rest of your life. That’s something I did more of after my divorce. I have been married now for 28 years.”
– Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, 62, Mount Kisco, NY

3) Don’t assume either of you will change once you’re in a relationship
“Never go into a relationship based on ‘potential’ that you’re confident you will be able to help ‘grow’ and ‘develop’ into something more. It’s much easier to buy into a person that’s already put together a life, like a well-assembled product. While no relationship can exist without a degree of compromise, we must never settle for less than what we deserve in terms of a partner having his/her own character and personal values.”
– Edie Raether, 68, Charlotte, NC

 

What to the ethics of dating?

After reading articles on dating and what people views are in the world of love and happiness how can people take marriage seriously?  The questions that younger generations are asking go beyond the boundary lines of personal questions that go to far.

The recent article I have read is that men and women are asking a person’s credit score, what difference does a person’s credit score make?  In addition why does it matter if a girl is a virgin or not? Why do so many want to have one date then have sexual intercourse?

What happened to abstaining from sexual intercourse to date a person to know them as an individual and they in turn can learn you as an individual?  What can sexual intercourse do to make you learn a person well enough to marry them?  Don’t people stop to think that if you have sexual intercourse that your relationship will not last that long because then the other person loses trust in them the morning after they had sex?  I find having sexual intercourse before marriage means that you cannot be mature enough to marry nor loyal to having one spouse so, you are more than likely to have more than one sex partner.   In addition there is a hefty price of promiscuity, promiscuity from its root word promiscuous is clearly a bad thing. It means immoral, loose, licentious and wanton. This is not all, it is also necessary to factor the cost of promiscuity such as:
• Sorrow,
• Pain,
• Anguish,
• Disease,
• Unwanted pregnancy and
• The sense of guilt
• Damage to sense of self-worth
• Disruption of one’s progress in life, to mention but a few.

We need to factor these costs also. All considered, abstinence is the way of the wise and premarital and extra-marital sex is the way of the foolish. It is like water and beer. Water is the drink of the wise while beer is the drink of the foolish, even as it is popular. Sexual promiscuity may be popular or common place, but it is still foolish indulgence and can never be elevated beyond that regardless of the wording and grammar used to postulate it.

If we all elect to abstain from premarital sex, there would be enough quality marriages to ensure that nobody have to stay many years in need of unfulfilled sexual urges. It is because of easy sexual intercourse from people of easy virtue, prostitutes and loose morals that is hindering marriages.

Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is ordained of God in legal and lawful marriage relationship.

Part of our responsibility on this earth is to learn to master our appetites and control our urges to enable us be turned into the godhood that is possible for all of us. Sexual and other sensations are serving purposes of testing our ability to grow. The fact that people get tired of having sex with their sex-partners is a pointer that it is not meant to be frittered away as part of fun getting. Sexual intercourse has a big place in the scheme of creation. Used within that bound, it is a beautiful experience even when you are not able to get the wow or blow-job of it. No sexual intercourse can compare to sexual intercourse in purity – within bounds of legal and lawful marriage or what Church people would call holy wedlock.

Regardless of what is said here, each individual know the price they pay. People should count their costs on this subject also so that adults do not stand by and watch a goat give birth with rope around its neck.

Many people have been able to survive the setback caused by premarital sex in their lives and still made good and sometimes great strides and thrived. One thousand times that number is not able to survive it. That choice to get involved in premarital sex changed the course of their lives for bad and they could not escape the price tag.

We have the power to choose what we would. But we do not have power to choose the consequences of our actions. This is called agency or freedom to choose. Our world is created by choice. We are in it by choice and each individual’s choices would shape their character and ultimately their destiny.

However, there is so many loose people in the world that finding one that does not have sex before marriage is very rare.   I do not see why people cannot suppress their sexual desires in order to make a strong foundation to a relationship that can lead to years of happiness.
First of all what is the sole purpose of dating?
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Among all people whom are placed upon this earth, dating has an honorable purpose—to help a young man and woman determine if they want to get married to each other. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you need to make wedding plans the moment you start dating. In fact, many people do not end up marrying the first person they date. At the same time, a person shouldn’t date if he or she isn’t ready to shoulder the responsibilities of marriage.  So if you have the intention of being married then you need to abstain from sexual intercourse during the time period of dating but, if you are having sex with the person then why get married?

If the one you are dating is pressuring you to have sex or sexual intercourse then you are better off without them in your life.   Says James 3:17: “The wisdom from above is first of all chaste.”  So if they do not respect you enough to not have sex then move on to someone else.
In addition one needs to ask themselves is this person right for me?  What are the qualities that you are looking for in a potential mate?  Does the person need to be spiritual-minded, Friendly, Trustworthy, Morally Upright and Goal oriented?  There is nothing wrong with the traits that are mention but, when you are more mature the traits should determine if the person is right for you.
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Know Yourself First

Before you can consider who might be right for you, you need to know yourself well. To learn more about yourself, answer the following questions:

What are my strengths? ․․․․․

What are my weaknesses or vulnerabilities? ․․․․․

What emotional and spiritual needs do I have? ․․․․․

Getting to know yourself is no small task, but questions like those above can get you started. The more you understand yourself, the better equipped you will be to find someone who will amplify your strengths rather than your weaknesses. What if you think you’ve found that person?

Will Just Anyone Do?

“Can I get to know you better?” That question will make you either cringe or leap for joy—depending on who’s asking. Suppose you answer yes. Over the course of time, how can you tell if your boyfriend or girlfriend is right for you?

Suppose you want to buy a new pair of shoes. You go to the store and find a pair that catches your eye. You try on the shoes, only to find that—much to your disappointment—they’re too tight. What would you do? Buy the shoes anyway? Or look for a different pair? Clearly, the better choice is to put the shoes back and look for others. It would make little sense to walk around in a pair of shoes that just didn’t fit!

It’s similar with choosing a marriage partner. Over time, more than a few members of the opposite sex may catch your eye. But not just anyone will do. After all, you want someone you’ll be comfortable with—someone who truly fits your personality and your goals.

Looking Beyond the Surface

To answer that last question, look at your friend objectively. Be careful, though! You might be inclined to see only what you want to see. So take your time. Try to perceive your friend’s true nature. This will take effort on your part. But that’s only to be expected. To illustrate: Imagine that you want to purchase a car. How thoroughly would you research it? Would you be concerned only about the outer appearance? Wouldn’t it make sense to look deeper—perhaps learning as much as you could about the condition of the engine?

Finding a mate is a much weightier issue than choosing a car. Yet, many who date don’t look beyond the surface. Instead, they quickly point to the things they have in common: ‘We like the same music.’ ‘We enjoy the same activities.’ ‘We agree on everything!’ As mentioned earlier, though, if you’re truly past the bloom of youth, you look beyond superficial traits. You see the need to discern “the secret person of the heart.”

For example, rather than focus on how much you agree on things, it might be more revealing to note what happens when you disagree. In other words, how does this person handle conflict—by insisting on his or her way, perhaps giving in to “fits of anger” or “abusive speech”? Or does this person show reasonableness—a willingness to yield for the sake of peace when no issue of right or wrong is at stake?

Another factor to consider: Is the person manipulative, possessive, or jealous? Does he or she demand to know your every move? “I hear of dating couples who fight because one person can’t stand that the other hasn’t constantly ‘checked in,’” says Nicole. “I think that’s a bad sign.”—1 Corinthians 13:4.

Issues such as those raised above focus on personality and conduct. However, it’s just as important to learn something of your friend’s reputation. How is that one viewed by others? You may want to talk to those who have known this person for some time, such as mature ones in the congregation. That way you will know if he or she is “well reported on.”—Acts 16:1, 2.

to be continued……