What to the ethics of dating?

After reading articles on dating and what people views are in the world of love and happiness how can people take marriage seriously?  The questions that younger generations are asking go beyond the boundary lines of personal questions that go to far.

The recent article I have read is that men and women are asking a person’s credit score, what difference does a person’s credit score make?  In addition why does it matter if a girl is a virgin or not? Why do so many want to have one date then have sexual intercourse?

What happened to abstaining from sexual intercourse to date a person to know them as an individual and they in turn can learn you as an individual?  What can sexual intercourse do to make you learn a person well enough to marry them?  Don’t people stop to think that if you have sexual intercourse that your relationship will not last that long because then the other person loses trust in them the morning after they had sex?  I find having sexual intercourse before marriage means that you cannot be mature enough to marry nor loyal to having one spouse so, you are more than likely to have more than one sex partner.   In addition there is a hefty price of promiscuity, promiscuity from its root word promiscuous is clearly a bad thing. It means immoral, loose, licentious and wanton. This is not all, it is also necessary to factor the cost of promiscuity such as:
• Sorrow,
• Pain,
• Anguish,
• Disease,
• Unwanted pregnancy and
• The sense of guilt
• Damage to sense of self-worth
• Disruption of one’s progress in life, to mention but a few.

We need to factor these costs also. All considered, abstinence is the way of the wise and premarital and extra-marital sex is the way of the foolish. It is like water and beer. Water is the drink of the wise while beer is the drink of the foolish, even as it is popular. Sexual promiscuity may be popular or common place, but it is still foolish indulgence and can never be elevated beyond that regardless of the wording and grammar used to postulate it.

If we all elect to abstain from premarital sex, there would be enough quality marriages to ensure that nobody have to stay many years in need of unfulfilled sexual urges. It is because of easy sexual intercourse from people of easy virtue, prostitutes and loose morals that is hindering marriages.

Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is ordained of God in legal and lawful marriage relationship.

Part of our responsibility on this earth is to learn to master our appetites and control our urges to enable us be turned into the godhood that is possible for all of us. Sexual and other sensations are serving purposes of testing our ability to grow. The fact that people get tired of having sex with their sex-partners is a pointer that it is not meant to be frittered away as part of fun getting. Sexual intercourse has a big place in the scheme of creation. Used within that bound, it is a beautiful experience even when you are not able to get the wow or blow-job of it. No sexual intercourse can compare to sexual intercourse in purity – within bounds of legal and lawful marriage or what Church people would call holy wedlock.

Regardless of what is said here, each individual know the price they pay. People should count their costs on this subject also so that adults do not stand by and watch a goat give birth with rope around its neck.

Many people have been able to survive the setback caused by premarital sex in their lives and still made good and sometimes great strides and thrived. One thousand times that number is not able to survive it. That choice to get involved in premarital sex changed the course of their lives for bad and they could not escape the price tag.

We have the power to choose what we would. But we do not have power to choose the consequences of our actions. This is called agency or freedom to choose. Our world is created by choice. We are in it by choice and each individual’s choices would shape their character and ultimately their destiny.

However, there is so many loose people in the world that finding one that does not have sex before marriage is very rare.   I do not see why people cannot suppress their sexual desires in order to make a strong foundation to a relationship that can lead to years of happiness.
First of all what is the sole purpose of dating?
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Among all people whom are placed upon this earth, dating has an honorable purpose—to help a young man and woman determine if they want to get married to each other. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you need to make wedding plans the moment you start dating. In fact, many people do not end up marrying the first person they date. At the same time, a person shouldn’t date if he or she isn’t ready to shoulder the responsibilities of marriage.  So if you have the intention of being married then you need to abstain from sexual intercourse during the time period of dating but, if you are having sex with the person then why get married?

If the one you are dating is pressuring you to have sex or sexual intercourse then you are better off without them in your life.   Says James 3:17: “The wisdom from above is first of all chaste.”  So if they do not respect you enough to not have sex then move on to someone else.
In addition one needs to ask themselves is this person right for me?  What are the qualities that you are looking for in a potential mate?  Does the person need to be spiritual-minded, Friendly, Trustworthy, Morally Upright and Goal oriented?  There is nothing wrong with the traits that are mention but, when you are more mature the traits should determine if the person is right for you.
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Know Yourself First

Before you can consider who might be right for you, you need to know yourself well. To learn more about yourself, answer the following questions:

What are my strengths? ․․․․․

What are my weaknesses or vulnerabilities? ․․․․․

What emotional and spiritual needs do I have? ․․․․․

Getting to know yourself is no small task, but questions like those above can get you started. The more you understand yourself, the better equipped you will be to find someone who will amplify your strengths rather than your weaknesses. What if you think you’ve found that person?

Will Just Anyone Do?

“Can I get to know you better?” That question will make you either cringe or leap for joy—depending on who’s asking. Suppose you answer yes. Over the course of time, how can you tell if your boyfriend or girlfriend is right for you?

Suppose you want to buy a new pair of shoes. You go to the store and find a pair that catches your eye. You try on the shoes, only to find that—much to your disappointment—they’re too tight. What would you do? Buy the shoes anyway? Or look for a different pair? Clearly, the better choice is to put the shoes back and look for others. It would make little sense to walk around in a pair of shoes that just didn’t fit!

It’s similar with choosing a marriage partner. Over time, more than a few members of the opposite sex may catch your eye. But not just anyone will do. After all, you want someone you’ll be comfortable with—someone who truly fits your personality and your goals.

Looking Beyond the Surface

To answer that last question, look at your friend objectively. Be careful, though! You might be inclined to see only what you want to see. So take your time. Try to perceive your friend’s true nature. This will take effort on your part. But that’s only to be expected. To illustrate: Imagine that you want to purchase a car. How thoroughly would you research it? Would you be concerned only about the outer appearance? Wouldn’t it make sense to look deeper—perhaps learning as much as you could about the condition of the engine?

Finding a mate is a much weightier issue than choosing a car. Yet, many who date don’t look beyond the surface. Instead, they quickly point to the things they have in common: ‘We like the same music.’ ‘We enjoy the same activities.’ ‘We agree on everything!’ As mentioned earlier, though, if you’re truly past the bloom of youth, you look beyond superficial traits. You see the need to discern “the secret person of the heart.”

For example, rather than focus on how much you agree on things, it might be more revealing to note what happens when you disagree. In other words, how does this person handle conflict—by insisting on his or her way, perhaps giving in to “fits of anger” or “abusive speech”? Or does this person show reasonableness—a willingness to yield for the sake of peace when no issue of right or wrong is at stake?

Another factor to consider: Is the person manipulative, possessive, or jealous? Does he or she demand to know your every move? “I hear of dating couples who fight because one person can’t stand that the other hasn’t constantly ‘checked in,’” says Nicole. “I think that’s a bad sign.”—1 Corinthians 13:4.

Issues such as those raised above focus on personality and conduct. However, it’s just as important to learn something of your friend’s reputation. How is that one viewed by others? You may want to talk to those who have known this person for some time, such as mature ones in the congregation. That way you will know if he or she is “well reported on.”—Acts 16:1, 2.

to be continued……

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